The Powder Room

NEW Sugar Pop Magazine

2010-03-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. Wow long time. I am so sorry for not posting more frequently. We have been so busy with the business and getting lots of things on the go. Don't worry we will have some contributors soon. If you know anyone looking to gain some social media experience let me know - we're looking for a social media intern (3 months). Recent news: We launched a new online magazine owned by TOLETTA called Sugar Pop Magazine. It's more about fashion than public washrooms (wink). We've been growing strong and now have over 1200 followers. Check it out. Visit the website www.sugarpopmagazine.com and follow us on Twitter @sugarpopmagz

Let's go for a drink

2009-01-19T14:47:00.003-05:00

Hey ladies. Sorry it's been a little while since my last post. We've been very busy getting everything ready for a our big launch (March 2009). In a few weeks our webstore will be in full swing - yippeeee. Now back to some blog funnies.

What goes through your mind when someone says "Let's go for a drink"? Here are some cute illustrations I found on the web about the differences between men and women.

Fashionista Toiletries 2009

2008-12-02T12:33:00.014-05:00

New Line of Stylish Travel Packs of Paper Toilet Seat Covers to Hit Store Shelves March 2009

Ottawa, ON Canada – December 1, 2008. Every woman dreads having to use a public washroom – because you never know what’s on the toilet seat. A local company called TOLETTA prepares to change that by launching the world’s first premium brand of travel pack paper toilet seat covers. Each pack is fun and stylish, and is 20% larger and 42% thicker than most other brands. Women who already use strips of toilet paper or cannot find paper toilet seat covers in the stall, will greatly appreciate the convenience of having small travel packs of premium soft tissues. TOLETTA will be sold direct on the wesbite and will hit the shelves of selected retailers throughout Canada, USA, United Kingdom, Ireland, Poland and South-West Africa in March 2009.

“The product concept came to me and my husband while we were trying to find small travel packs of disposable paper toilet seat covers to use ourselves,” explained Dora Cardenas, Co-Founder and VP Communications, TOLETTA Inc. “Not only was I shocked to learn that travel packs are hard to find but the products we did find didn’t have any ounce of style or quality tissues. All the products we found looked and felt like something you would find in a camping supply store – not exactly something retail stores and supermarkets would be proud to carry on their shelves.”

For those women who are tired of crouching, using strips of toilet paper, or trying to use cheap and flimsy paper toilet seat covers, TOLETTA is an excellent alternative. TOLETTA is not just pretty on the outside. Inside each travel pack contains five disposable paper toilet seat covers made with large and soft tissues. The tissues are also flushable, biodegradable and safe in septic systems. The packaging is small enough to fit conveniently inside a purse. Depending on where you shop, each travel pack will range from $1.49 to $1.99 USD.

“We’re committed to helping support various social causes,” Dora continued. “A percentage of the proceeds from each sale will go towards supporting Breast Cancer Research and Child Poverty Awareness. Together we can make a difference.”

TOLETTA Inc.
Manufacturer of the world’s first premium brand of travel pack paper toilet seat covers. Each pack is fun and stylish, and looks like something you would find on the shelf with beauty products. Tissues are flushable, biodegradable, and safe in septic systems. Pink packs support breast cancer research. Blue packs support child poverty awareness. Please visit www.toletta.com

Kohler Purist Hatbox

2008-10-08T12:50:00.006-04:00

Toilet as art: Kohler helps the rich poop better than us
Posted 03.30.2005 by Dave (PoopReport.com)

Back in the 1700s, before the flush toilet was widely popular (that didn't happen until the 1860s), people used to poop in "close-stools" -- essentially seats and cabinets for chamber pots. You opened the lid, did your business, closed the lid, and removed the chamber pot via the front panel for emptying. Close stools were fairly common with many segments of society.

But rich people then were just like rich people now: they didn't want to have anything in common with the masses. So they commissioned ornate, decorative close-stools made out of the finest materials, built by the finest craftsmen. Because if they had to associate themselves with something the rabble used, they wanted to make sure that their version was a whole lot more expensive.

History repeates itsef. I give you the Kohler Purist Hatbox. For rich people who, if they have to poop like the rest of us, at least they can comfort themselves knowing they're pooping on something most of us can't afford.

Conquering the 'ewww' factor:

2008-10-03T13:31:00.006-04:00

Hi Gals,

This is front news on CNN today. I could not have said it better. Great article. Toilet Seat Covers anyone?

By Elizabeth Landau
CNN

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Most of us have them -- the personal ritual to deal with the "ick" of a public bathroom: wiping the seat with toilet paper, using a paper seat cover or even rolling up several pieces of toilet paper to create a thicker barrier between the skin and ... the unknown.

Public bathrooms may be teeming with bacteria, but the toilet seat is probably safe for sitting.

But the toilet seat is actually the cleanest part of the bathroom, one expert says.

Charles Gerba, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona who has studied restrooms and other germ-infested environments for more than 20 years, says that because of the care people take when they're about to sit, other parts of the bathroom are much more prone to delivering bacterial infections.

"One of the cleanest things in the bathrooms we find are the toilet seats," Gerba said. "I'd put my fanny on it any time -- unless it's wet; then you'd want to wipe it first." Avoiding bathroom 'hot spots' »

The Internet has come through for people who just want a clean place to go. New tools like MizPee (nationwide) and Diaroogle (New York only) will point you to the nearest public restroom and display extensive comments about those facilities from users, even delivering the information to your mobile phone. (Warning: CNN makes no promises about the cleanliness of the language in these bathroom locators.)

MizPee launched a year ago for people in San Francisco, California, after co-founder Peter Olfe saw that the city's public library bathroom was "so disgusting," said Dhana Pawar, vice president and co-founder of Yojo Mobile, which created MizPee. "Unfortunately, [MizPee] was inspired by that trip."

Fueled by demand, MizPee has expanded to more than 22 cities in America and six in Europe, and has had more than 300,000 unique visitors. Users rate toilets on a scale from one to five toilet paper rolls and nominate the best and worst toilets for the Flush of the Year award. The site also gives users information on deals at restaurants, shops and services nearby, in addition to toilet trivia called "looisms."

Women tend to have higher standards for bathroom cleanliness than men, often rating any given unisex bathroom lower than men, Pawar said. In general, many more women than men use the site, but male bikers and older men, especially colitis patients, also come to MizPee.

Women are also particularly concerned about finding clean bathrooms with changing stations, Pawar said. "You'd be surprised how few there are."

Pawar said she herself is "really paranoid" when it comes to the restroom.

"I'm one of those really anal people who have to have a clean bathroom," she said.

For many people, public bathrooms generate feelings of anxiety, fear and disgust.

"Basically, everybody is fearful of public restrooms," said Dr. Lisa Bernstein, assistant professor at Emory University School of Medicine, who admitted that her mother always told her that she should never make direct contact with a toilet seat.

Research indicates that fear of the commode itself may be misdirected.

Public bathrooms may contain several kinds of harmful bacteria, including E. coli, salmonella, coliform, rotavirus, cold virus and the potentially deadly form of staph known as MRSA, experts say. But people are more likely to pick up these nasty bugs through touching things in the bathroom with their hands, not their behinds.

Don't Miss
CNET: Diaroogle helps you find clean public bathrooms
"I don't think anyone would voluntarily sit on a seat with urine, but, in reality, urine touching intact skin on the tush won't do anything," Bernstein said.

More concerning, however, is a child who steadies himself or herself on a toilet seat by holding onto it and then leaving without washing hands, she said. Those germs could lead to an infection once the child's hands touch the nose, mouth or eyes.

And don't forget that unwashed hands have handled everything from the door knob to the lock to the flusher. Again, if you touch one of these objects and then rub your eye, nose or mouth, you're apt to transmit that bacteria.

But there is hope. Here are hygiene helpers:

Wash your hands

Yes, it's basic. But, in general, washing your hands is the most effective action you can take to prevent bacterial infections from a public bathroom, experts say.

"You can remove all gastrointestinal and respiratory infection bacteria by washing hands," said Judy Daly, clinical microbiologist at the University of Utah and spokesperson for the Clean Hands Campaign. "Seventeen seconds of a little bit of friction, water and soap will really mediate bacteria."

Health Library
MayoClinic.com: Health Library
The American Society for Microbiology, which sponsors the Clean Hands Campaign, found in a study last year that about 77 percent of men and women washed their hands in public restrooms, down 6 percent from 2005. The observational study also found that women washed their hands more than men.

"It's such an easy intervention," Daly said. "If you get it to be a habit for a 30-day period, it's something you do automatically."

Use automatic devices

Recent bathroom additions like automatic hands-free faucets and paper towel dispensers diminish contact between your hands and bathroom items that may bear bacteria, Bernstein said.

Don't let your belongings touch the floor

Gerba's research found that the highest concentration of germs in a public bathroom are on the floor, the outside of the sanitary napkin disposal and the sink and water taps.

When Gerba looked at women's purses, he found that one-third of them had fecal bacteria on the bottom. Make sure you hang your shoulder bag on a hook. If none is available, some people swear by hanging the strap around their necks.

Use the first stall

The middle stall of a public restroom usually has the most bacteria because people use it the most. "I guess people like company," Gerba said. The first stall will probably be cleaner.

Recognize the best and the worst

As a rule, the cleanest toilets are usually in hospitals, because they use disinfectants heavily, but the worst are in airports and airplanes, Gerba said. The small size of airplane bathrooms, including the sinks themselves, make it hard for people to wash their hands -- in fact, Gerba's study found a thin layer of E. coli in an airplane bathroom.

As for the airports themselves, "In the men's room at Chicago O'Hare, I don't think the toilet seat ever gets cold," Gerba said.

Don't hold back

It's fine for a woman to hover over the toilet seat if she doesn't want to sit down, but if she doesn't empty her bladder completely, she's at risk for a urinary infection, Bernstein said.

"You may be doing yourself more harm than good," she said.

Along the same lines, you can develop urinary infections from "holding it in" too long just because you don't want to use a particular facility. Better in a public stall than not at all.

Put it in perspective

Although the bathroom seems like a nasty place, the possible infections from the dreaded stall are no different from the ones you can get anywhere else in public.

"They're the same bugs we transmit shaking hands," Bernstein said. "People are more freaked out about restrooms, but the same thing applies anywhere in public."

After all that research -- he's had the cops called on him while prowling around bathroom floors -- Gerba has no problem with sitting down on public toilets. But Bernstein still uses one or two seat covers, "because of what my mother taught me," she said.

Public Washroom Prank

2008-09-21T19:31:00.002-04:00

Hi ladies. I hope you had a great weekend. Here is another powder room video I found on YouTube. This has to be one of the funniest public washroom pranks I have ever seen. Check it out - you'll have a good laugh.

Deadly Butt-Cheek Disease

2008-09-21T19:19:00.003-04:00

PIKE PLACE MARKET, SEATTLE – A deadly strain of Hinternoccoci bacteria was soundly thwarted in its attempt to spread from a public toilet seat to the butt-cheek of area man Todd Stanley Tuesday.

Before taking his seat on the public toilet, Stanley carefully removed a disposable paper toilet seat cover from the dispenser in the stall, placing it squarely on the communal throne.

"Most bacteria and viruses have to get inside your body to be of any real danger," said UW toiletologist Doctor Frank Pinkerton. "In order to reach your bloodstream, germs like Hinternoccoci are capable of burrowing through the immensely thick layers of fat in the posterior. I cannot stress enough the vital importance of stopping the spread of these determined deadly diseases by placing a thin layer of toilet paper on the seat before use."

"Imagine a vast army of microbes, teeming about on the toilet seat—armed to the teeth and thirsty for blood—human blood," Dr. Pinkerton continued. "As the unsuspecting victim approaches, the bacteria are euphoric, foaming at their single-celled mouth-like openings and beating against one another in vicious anticipation."

"But alas, just before the unwitting fool enters the thirsty clutches of the germ forces, he reaches out and covers them with some sort of magical barrier! The army's intense weaponry is useless against the mystic forces of the single-ply tree-based obstruction. Dejected and defeated, they console themselves by throwing a party for Charlie, whose mitochondria just differentiated him into super-virus status."

Upon further examination of Dr. Pinkerton's credentials, it was determined that his doctorate was in fact issued by Quaker Oats as the prize in a box of Cap'n Crunch.

By John Fostr
Naked Loon Technology Reporter

Cosmetic Toilet Seat Covers?

2008-09-10T12:03:00.009-04:00

How many times have you used a public washroom and there are no paper toilet seat covers? You check all the other stalls but they are also empty. This is so frustrating when you really have to pee. Where do all the paper toilet seat covers go? Perhaps women are using the paper toilet seat covers for something else. This would explain the empty containers. Well, here is a video of how one woman uses paper toilet seat covers. I'll have to try this.

Men Have It Easy!

2008-09-10T11:18:00.006-04:00

Hi Girls,

I was sent this email today from a friend and thought it would be perfect for the powder room. Laugh and enjoy.

Dora

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "paper toilet seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the floor! ), yank down your pants and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have known there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because you didn't lay down toilet paper or paper toilet seat covers - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't know what kind of diseases or germs you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you needed it!) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This story is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest-you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Tango Toilet

2008-09-02T12:40:00.007-04:00

Who would have thought that you can dance tango even in the power room. I'll have to try this at home - lol. Sign me up for the lessons please.

A Mother’s Washroom Story

2008-09-02T12:27:00.006-04:00

Hi everyone. I hope you're enjoying my blog. Please feel free to post any funny washroom worthy stories you may have experienced or have heard about through your friends.

Below is a power room story I found to be quite funny. This story is dedicated to all the mothers out there who have small children. I myself do not have children but I heard about this story through the grapevine.

Most mothers are aware of how difficult it is to bring small children into a public washroom. As adults, we have a variety of innovative techniques to defend ourselves from the “unknowns” of washroom perils. Unfortunately, children always have this unique way of making a visit to a public washroom a nightmare! From touching every untouchable, germ filled, soiled, sticky, smelly, slimy part in the washroom - to saying the most embarrassing things that would make even Rosie O’Donnell blush. Here is the story.

It was a Saturday afternoon and a particularly busy one at that. I was shopping at a local mall and had bundles of packages, two small children, a full bladder and my PERIOD! I needed to go to the washroom badly so I headed towards the ladies room with my twin boys who were four at the time. The washroom was packed so I waited patiently while trying very hard to keep my two little ones from getting into trouble. My boys always seem to have this fascination of looking under occupied stalls or crawling on the floor full of who knows what. At last one stall became free and I headed rapidly towards it. Once inside the stall I proceeded to put the packages down and settle my boys in (without touching anything of course). I grabbed some long strips of toilet paper and laced the seat with tissue. Then I took out some paper toilet seat covers and also placed them on the seat. I got undressed, sat on the toilet seat and emptied my very, very full bladder. It felt good and relaxing. Keep in mind I still have to change my sanitary napkin so I proceed to take it off. One of my boys became intrigued by what he was seeing. All of a sudden with a very loud voice he says, “Ewwwwwwwwwwwww mommy that's gross.” My heart stopped and so did every conversation going on in the washroom. My other son joins in with a yet louder voice and says, “Ewwwwwwwwwww Mommy that’s yucky.” I nearly fainted from embarrassment. After a few seconds of shock I told my boys to keep quiet. So I waited, waited and waited until the washroom was empty. When it seemed safe to come out I exited the stall hoping none of the original people were still there. I wanted to continue shopping but decided to leave the mall. Knowing how funny this incident would have been to other women who were there and that there was a high chance passing by one of them who would look at me in pity and snicker while telling her friend, “there is the lady I was telling you about” - I ran out of that mall so fast I think I might have beaten Ben Johnson’s record.

Watching Men Pee

2008-08-15T12:39:00.005-04:00

Hey girls, I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this picture. The campaign was voted funniest washroom advert in 2006 so I added it to the powder room archives. Imagine being a guy and having to choose a urinal. Which one would you choose? Hummmm - do I choose the girl with the ruler, the girl with the camera or the girl looking right at me? Notice how the guy in the picture chose the girl looking right at him. I wonder what that means - ha ha.

"That's Small" Commercial

2008-08-15T12:21:00.007-04:00

Hey girls, here is another funny washroom commercial from the powder room. I wonder what that guy who was sitting in the stall was thinking when he was listening to the conversation.

Welcome to The Powder Room

2008-08-15T12:13:00.008-04:00

Hello ladies and some gentlemen,

Welcome to The Powder Room. This blog is for all the; public bathroom hating, germ freak, anal retentive, squatters, toilet paper placing, no touching doors, washing hands repetitively, divas out there. You are my kindred spirit!

I would like to share a little something about myself. Besides all of the above I am also the wife to a loving husband who just happens to be, you guessed it, all of the above. Yes ladies my husband of five years is just as much a diva about public bathrooms as I am. Out of this wonderful relationship was born The Powder Room.

We came up with The Powder Room simply out of frustration regarding some nasty, filthy public bathrooms out there. It is also for this same reason that we are the founders of a company called TOLETTA, a Canadian company that sells small purse size disposable Travel Packs of Premium Paper Toilet Seat Covers. You may ask, what to you consider “Premium”?

Let me ask you. Do you use paper toilet seat covers? If you are reading this blog then I would assume you do, if of course you are lucky enough to find them in the stall of a public washroom near you. Or I would guess you are one of the many who meticulously place long strips of toilet paper, without touching the toilet, on the seat before you place your precious little asset on someone else’s butt juices, yuck! Have I struck your inner ewwwwwnes?

Well, our disposable travel packs of premium paper toilet seat covers are just that, Premium. They are thicker, softer and bigger. Those “regular” paper toilet seat covers you will find everywhere else are made with the same paper as the thin flimsy gift-wrapping tissue paper you use to wrap gifts. Not exactly something I want to use to help make me feel better when I am in the moment. Now, keep in mind that “germs” are not what this is about. It is about the “yuck” factor - because you never know. The idea of sitting your bare bottom where someone else’s bare bottom has been (while still warm) is not particularly a pleasant feeling.

The Powder Room is not only a place where you can read funny articles; it is also a place to share your stories of presentable, clean, worthy public washrooms out there. I know they exist. Let us know when you see them. So please enjoy the funny stories and not so funny ones. Relax and bring out the inner washroom diva in you.

Happy peeing,

Dora Cardenas

Swedish Self-Cleaning Toilet

2008-08-09T12:46:00.004-04:00

Don't you wish all public toilets were this clean? Us girls have to use any means possible to keep our little tush from touching those gross toilet seats. The thing I hate most is sometimes even after using paper toilet seat covers I can still feel a warm seat - yuck. Check out the video.

Beware of "The Tinkler"

2008-08-01T14:41:00.008-04:00

I came across a hilarious article today from Oprah Magazine about those dreaded tinklers. My man is trained so I don't have to worry about this at home - lucky me. However, women tinklers in public washrooms is another story. Here is the article and link.

By Lisa Kogan from "O, The Oprah Magazine," April 2008

(Oprah.com) -- On any given day here at "O, The Oprah Magazine," there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 69 very talented, extremely detail oriented, high-energy, hardworking women and men all doing their jobs and doing them well. I love a few of them, I like a lot of them, I despise one of them. She is the Magneto to my Wolverine, the Saruman to my Frodo, the Dr. Octopus to my Spiderman. I call her The Tinkler.

It's a typical Tuesday; the office is humming along. I'm answering e-mails, writing cover lines, scheduling a dental appointment here, partial highlights there, kicking myself for not getting sushi at lunch. The sun is shining, the color printer is working -- my life is good.

I mosey into the ladies' room, glance at the mirror, remind myself that fluorescent lights make everyone look as if they're in the final stages of tuberculosis, and head for a stall. And then I see it: The seat, even the floor, is covered in little yellow droplets. The Tinkler strikes again.
To date, I have been able to deduce only four things about her:

1. She is female.
2. She attacks between the hours of 10 a.m. and 8 p.m.
3. She works alone.
4. She was raised in a barn.

I've been her victim more times than I can count, and it has turned me from a happy-go-lucky columnist into a bitter, paranoid germaphobe.

She has become the bane of my existence. We live in a world where our soldiers lack sufficient body armor, where Rupert Murdoch is blurring the line intended to keep the business and political interests of media owners from influencing the presentation of news, where the White House still refuses to respond to questions they promised to answer as soon as the Scooter Libby case was closed, where studies indicate that worrying you're going to get sick will actually get you sick -- and yet I am devoting an entire column to The Tinkler.

Any shrink worth his or her salt will tell you that it is a mistake to think of your colleagues as family. But what is a family if not a group of people who care about you and irritate you and show up for cake on your birthday and look at pictures of your kid even when they don't feel like it and think it wouldn't kill you to put on a little makeup and a pair of heels once in a while?
I've been earning a paycheck for 30 years. Whether rinsing conditioner off a Lhasa apso during my stint as shampoo girl at Mr. Whiskers Pet Boutique or breathing on the chicken breast I was about to serve a rude diner during my waitressing days, I've always found that the people I work with matter to me. Their moods, their opinions, their style influence my life. They've appreciated me, humiliated me, surprised me, and antagonized me. I've gotten flowers and I've gotten fired (and I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to deserve either), but I've never experienced anything like The Tinkler.

"Dammit!" I say upon encountering her latest Jackson Pollock imitation. Pat, Suzan, and Valerie each come out of their stalls to see what's wrong. I point in horror. Pat groans, Suzan moans, Val throws up her hands in disgust, and we fall into silence.

Then I rally, "At least we know it's not one of us." But everybody else is a suspect. "It can't be Sudie," Suzan volunteers. My eyes narrow. "What are you basing this on?" I ask. "I've seen her," she answers, "she always heads straight for the paper seat protector." "And," Valerie adds, "we can cross Mamie off the list -- it happened twice while she was in Sweden."

Sixty seconds ago, the four of us were editors; now we are FBI profilers. "She probably likes to burrow into small spaces," Pat conjectures. "This never happens in the big, wheelchair-accessible stall ..." "It's very primitive, as if she's marking her territory. This is clearly a hostile gesture," Suzan declares with authority.

We're finally getting somewhere. "So, really," I say, "we just need to be on the lookout for an aggressively mean-spirited, mole-like cavewoman who is not confined to a wheelchair .. is that right?" Val is the first to realize that we're losing our minds. "I'm out of here," she says, and exits the ladies' room.

Later, I complain to J.J., poor, naive little J.J .. She tells me that it can't be any of us, that the toilet is somehow to blame. I leave J.J. in her special world -- a place where troubles melt like lemon drops and Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone -- and resume writing my column. Gina drops by and reads over my shoulder.

Suddenly she has an epiphany: "It's you!" she announces, pointing at me like she's Javert accusing Jean Valjean of stealing silver candlesticks. "Think about it," she says. "What better way to cover your tracks than writing an outraged piece on the subject?" I kind of like that Gina believes I am an evil genius, and I don't have the heart to tell her that I once refused to sit my daughter on the lap of a department store Santa Claus because I had no idea who else had been sitting there.

Another day, another bathroom break. "Steer clear of the third stall," Yeun warns as she dries her hands and heads for a meeting. Jennifer emerges from door number four to see what exactly's going on behind door number three. She is appalled yet philosophical. "Believe it or not, every place I've ever worked has had a Tinkler -- maybe sharing a ladies' room just sends certain people into a passive-aggressive snit. It's the dark side of office life."

Lately, my daydreams bear a striking resemblance to one of those black-and-white Sherlock Holmes movies: The entire team sits, sipping brandy in an ornate drawing room. "I suppose you're wondering why I've gathered you here today," I begin in an inexplicable British accent. "Well, my friends, one of you is The Tinkler."

The research department averts their eyes. The art department fidgets nervously. An intern gasps. "And," I go on, "nobody is leaving this room until I reveal the person who refuses to work and play well with others." My assistant, Polly, looks up. "You mean you've figured out the identity of The Tinkler?" she asks, filled with an admiration for my powers of reasoning that she has never once expressed in real life. "It was elementary, dear Watson. I merely -- " but before I can unmask The Tinkler or explain why I refer to Polly as dear Watson, the lights suddenly go out ... I could go on, but I'm bored silly whenever someone feels compelled to relay every nanosecond of a dream. Suffice it to say that I usually wind up in the arms of Tyrone Power. As for The Tinkler? She's still on the lam.

There are lots of days when I find myself wishing life were closer to a gorgeous movie from the '40s -- women wore fabulous hats and pearl chokers, and I don't think they actually went to the bathroom back then. They were too busy dancing with Fred Astaire and smoking unfiltered cigarettes to schlep to an office every day.

Now, some of us are running the offices, but it seems we've brought a few low-grade lunatics along for the ride -- and they're wreaking havoc in the ladies' room. Where have you gone, Edith Wharton? I'm not asking for cloth napkins and classical music. I don't need a mint on my pillow. I just want a bit of common courtesy, a modicum of civility, a touch of class, or, failing all that, a good supply of Lysol.